Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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