My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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