i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
