All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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