i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
