i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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