I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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