I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
