dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize