now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
