i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
