I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
