he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
