Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
