I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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