Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
