I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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