I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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