Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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