If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
