People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
