I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
