Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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