I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
