Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
