I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sober January is a disaster.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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