so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
