I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
