Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
