I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
