Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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