soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
