I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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