Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize