This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
