the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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