"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
