do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
