so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
