she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
