ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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