Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
