Do you still have your period?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We have started to decorate penises.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
