Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
