Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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