the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
