Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
