I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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