Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
