had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
