If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
