ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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