i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
