your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
