Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
