I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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