Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You took a bar mat shot.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
