I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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