fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
