i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
