no you cant smoke seaweed
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
