If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
