***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
