I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
