All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
