haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
