i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
