No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
