Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
