"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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