I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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