White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
