I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
