3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
