when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
