so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
