Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
