i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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