you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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