Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Less talking, more tequila
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
