She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
