Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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