Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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