I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
