playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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