dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
