I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
