Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
one two three fourrrrnication!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
