Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
