Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
