I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What a dumb baby whore.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
