Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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