You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
