You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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