Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
