I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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