I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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