Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
