she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize