seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
