I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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