Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
