I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
