drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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