I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize