I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
