I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So squirting runs in the family.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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