So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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