if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
