Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
